Peon adventure
by yoshmeister
Summary: There once was a time when people played Warcraft3, when social deviants would ban together to ruin games, when it was still fresh and new. That is but the merest of echoes of the infinite potential of the troops.


Maiev stood tall and straight waiting for death. "Fire on their leader, sisters." The warden said. The orcs came little by little down the hill. Their hero was nowhere to be seen. Maiev knew what that meant.

The Blademaster Daisho stood over the warden's still body, purple blood gushing from a wound in her neck. Daisho bent over her form, cupping her face almost gently. The warden's lips moved, but it was ulseless. Blood welled up from her mouth and it seemed her eyes grew dim.

"Loot her if you wish" Daisho said, leaving. Scad the hh ripped the mask from the dead Warden's face, Thurge the grunt claimed Maiev's gloves and Conspiracy the other grunt chose the bladed mantle.

"Hey Skullzy!" Called Scad. "What" said the peon walking up from the mine he was at. ""You know, since you're a PEON and all, maybe you can fit this dead bitches armor". Skullzy looked at the corpse with distaste. "I don't loot, besides I'd look like a total fag if I wore girl armor" Skullzy complained. "Well, at least you'd be a live fag and not a dead PEON". That word again. Thurge guffawed and Conspiracy snickered. "Hrm, you do make a point. Sure, can you guys give me a hand?" Skullzy finally replied.

An hour later and they were still trying to find out how to get the armor off. Conspiracy was annoyed, Thurge had lost all interest and Scad…well Scad was a cynical troll. "God damn it!" Scad almost screamed. "Yeah, wtf. I don't get this shit" Thurge put in. Thurge had been lazy the entire time. Scad turned to face Thurge, eyes flashing. Thurge turned to face Scad, passively. Thurge was not all dumb, at least not for a grunt and Scad was a lunatic when angry. It was best never to let him know you were afraid…"Stfu you useless fucking walking corpse". Thurge said nothing. There was absolutely no way to reason with Scad at times like these. The warden's gloves he had taken fit pretty well and the fingertips were razor sharp. It would only take a singly finger to…"Don't even think about it, Thurge. Conspiracy finally said, placing a hand on Thurge's shoulder. Thurge was mad now, but if he could just hold it all in…

"Why don't you…well couldn't you just sever her arms?" Thurge asked. Scad's eyes flashed again, this time in anticipation.

"But I –" Skullzy began. "But you will, Skullzy" , Conspiracy said , "We worked for too damn long on this". Skullzy didn't know what to say so he said ,"Look if they ever promote me to Shaman –" , "You'll have gone where no PEON has gone before" Conspiracy said, cutting Skullzy off. There was a general consensus of laughter; even Skullzy smiled. Skullzy never smiled. Still smiling, Skulzy said ,"There are certain things that they teach us…I mean, as peons, so –" Conspiracy waved in contempt. "Go carry some gold or something", Conspiracy said, laughing. Skullzy replied , "But what about the armor?". Conspiracy frowned upon realizing this. After severing both arms and getting his new mantle stained, all compounded by being outwitted by a peon, Conspiracy was almost desperately angry. . "Pull it up over her head" Thurge offered. As they pulled the armor off, dead Maiev's breasts spilled out. "Hrm, she has a nice rack. It really is a shame that she's a corpse, though" mused Skullzy. "Yeah…" agreed Scad. Scad loomed over the corpse and fondled a breast, "Nice and firm, silky soft skin, she's getting cold fast, but…" and so on. Scad was without a doubt a true troll. "That's pretty sick dude, it doesn't even have arms" someone said. It might've been Thurge, but Conspiracy was a more likely suspect. Scad could wait, there would be some big battle or…Scad held the breastplate in one hand. It was pretty light. "Skullzy, here" Scad said coolly. In the end they had to help him into it, it nearly fit too. "Hey this is pretty –" "Oh shut the hell up , PEON fag" bitched Conspiracy. "Do you think the greaves'll fit?" Thurge asked. "One way to find out" Skullzy answered. As with the first time, it took them awhile to realize that trying to get it off that way wasn't going to work. The boots were likewise impossible to remove. "I've got it!" Conspiracy shrieked. "Wow. Well, what is it?" so mockingly had Scad said this that Conspiracy went on oblivious. "Cut her…". Skullzy puked. After they finished hacking through bone, marrow and fat, they pulled the grisly feet out of the now gross boots. "Hey you guys…" Skullzy had stopped mid sentence. Nobody had interrupted him. What was this? . They proceeded to plunder all remaining clothing, stripping the corpse clean , once again the Troll in Scad made itself apparent. "Oh she's gotta be real tight, it might've been a thousand years…" Scad had taken the panties, so the corpse was totally bare. Thurge helped Skullzy with the greaves, shoving the boots on afterward. After awhile someone got sick of Scad's necrophilia talk. "Look you fucking sicko, it doesn't even have full LIMBS and it's a dead fucking elf, fuck." , Conspiracy exploded. Calmly, slowly, Scad stopped feeling the dead body up and stood. "I don't care. I really don't and if I was you…" Scad moved at a medium speed in the general direction of Conspiracy. Conspiracy grabbed at his axe , "Bring it" , grunted the grunt. Scad drew and tossed his spear in the same movement. It hit Conspiracy full force, dead center, causing 32 damage. Conspiracy cried out in pain, dropping the axe in his haste to dodge the next spear. Well they were undodgeable and he got hit twice more, for 30 and 42 damage respectively. I can't believe that he was losing to an hh. Scad somehow blinked behind conspiracy and attacked at point blank range dealing 999 damage. Conspiracy collapsed with a shrill cry and turned into some bones. They gambled for the mantle/cloak, Skullzy won because he was still carrying a sack of gold. "****ing cheating peon…" , someone bitched and moaned. . Skullzy was no longer a peon, the armor he had worn caused his class to change to…warrior, but they didn't need to know this. As Scad went back to his dead body fetish, the dead body was lifted into the heavens. Scad cursed cheaply and turned around…Just as a spear sailed out of nowhere and hit him for 100 damage. Panicking, he madly searched the direction from which it came. It was a burrow. "Who'd believe it. Wow Skullzy, you're a total fag pe-" He didn't finish the sentence. Skullzy hadn't thrown the spear, but there was never a better time to backstab Scad as when he talked pointlessly to nobody. As Scad lay dying his last words were: "I helped you out, fucker, and this how you repay me. Fag" , then he died. Thurge and Skullzy both wanted the Owl Mask Thingee, "I killed him, it's mine" Skullzy murmerred as he slid the Owl Mask Thing over his face. His hp was now 525 and his movement speed was fast, all in all not too bad for a peon. He could also blink (Owl Mask thing) and do fan of knives (bladed cloak). His class just now was…"Wtf it says…" , said Skullzy, trailing off. "What?" , Thurge naievly asked. "Nothing" Skullzy proclaimed. "Why is your model so tall all of a sudden" there was no question mark, so Thurge was obviously a dumbass. "It's because the armor totally obfuscates my original model" Skullzy educated. "Oh" was what Thurge said when a spear came sailing from that one burrow. It only did 50 damage, but Thurge died trying to smash the burrow open. He grunted as he turned into a pile of bones. "Bastards!" Skullzy exclaimed as he stopped to loot the Razor Gauntlet Type Gloves. He had the entire set now, his class changed to lvl 1 Warden. Skullzy bravely blinked next to the burrow and entered. Sounds of struggle could be heard within for several moments before the burrow exploded from inside out in a…fan of knives. Two dead peons could be seen outside amongst the ruins.

Skullzy[FAG]: wow my teams bsing me

Zsoft: stfu

At about this point in time Maiev had been revived, but her hp was only 100 and she was as slow as the runner you use in the ne campaign of ft. Seeing this , Skullzy blinked all the way across the map, over rivers and streams and creeks, passing through mountains and hills etc. as if they were nothing. With blink. Once he arrived at the altar, he heroicly defeated the naked warden in one hit. With a poison dagger. "Hurt's don't it?" Skullzy mocked. "You fucking little bitch, give me back my arm-" she was saying as Skullzy stepped on her neck. "No" Skullzy said later when she was dead and it meant nothing. The Warden went 'eek' before she died btw. She was lvl 10, so as a result Skullzy somehow got lvl 6 and summoned an avatar to take out the Altar. The Avatar was lacking in elf ears, but it had long lower teeth for rending and tearing. After the altar was dead the other team left which meant that everyone left, so Skullzy got a Dark ranger and impossibly got it to lvl 6, then he charmed a wisp and wasted a ton of time getting a tree of eternity/altar. Once this was done he got a priestess of the moon to have kids with, thusly was the half orc half night elf 'Night Orc' race borne.


End file.
